popcorn's Journal

8:23am: Back to Real Life (what a drag!)
Since we came back from our trip I had one week off (Easter week) and that was a nice time to try to unwind and get back to normal life. Last week was my first week back to work. Many people were happy to see me. Nice to feel welcomed back. They eased me back into work by only working 3 days.  But they have given me some odd time shifts (like always)
1-10pm or 530-10pm or 6-1030pm.  

So currenly I am trying to balance out my sleep habbits but Bono keeps waking me up around 7am! So a cat nap here and there. my blood pressure is still lowerd which is nice.

Still trying to think of a upcoming trip sometime soon but first i have to get use to being back at work.

7:59am: Vegs Baby! Vegas!
Sunday we got to Vegas at 1130 and arrived at our hotel. The Westgate hotel and casino. Fun fact same hotel Elvis played at in the late 60s.



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6:21am: Its been quite a while! January was an okay month, as you know i had a birthday but i spent it in bed. then my mom and i went to disney world. that was a nice trip for the both of us. then in February i was still sick (still sort of am with my ear problem) but my mom had to have lower back surgery. i was off the first few days, but by the second day i had called into work asking if i could take a leave for awhile to take care of my mom, which they let me and that was super nice of them. So i was out of work but i had work to do as a caregiver. Let me say it was tough in many ways but more emotional because i had to care for my mom (and i still am) it was lifting her out of bed, i will not go into detail but total nurse things. some days were good but some days were not so good for the both of us. Some days i was super upset and mad because she was acting like a child when it comes down to it. Some days were great because one day i had to go do some things for her and i had left her at home sleeping. i come back home 2 hours later and find out that she had moved around without me! i was so proud of her! So really since Late Feb till currently that is all that i have done is be her caregiver from the smallest issue to the largest issue. I do have some good news and that is on Sunday we are going out west (my first time) and going to Vegas! (also my first time) We are going to see 2 shows (as of now) while we are there the Beatles Love show and the Michael Jackson show. Both should be amazing!

3:36pm: 2018
I know that I am 15 days late with a journal but much has happened.

My birthday this year was a some what good one...I was sick in bed all day long (I have had bronchitis for the last few months) Also went to the doctor. I got a few gifts.
Rolling Stones Live at the BBC Record
Star Wars The Last Jedi CD

I took off the next 2 days from work because I was not feeling well at all.
On Friday we were driving to the airport to go to Disney but we had missed our flight because of accidents on the road. We were able to get a flight for the next day. I was also able to call Disney to let them know and they refunded my money for the first night. On Saturday we went to the airport early for our afternoon flight.
We ended up getting into Disney and into our room at midnight Sunday morning.
More on Disney trip later.

6:13pm: 2017 has come and its almost gone
2017 Began like almost every year. But with one awful person to run the USA later that month...Lets not get into that.

2017 has been an alright year in my life. i began the year watching lots of movies because of time off from work. But I will just list some random highlights of this year and not a year in review

11- I have come to terms that I have an illness called Depression and it hits every so often for various moments in my life. it sucks when you want to just kill your self but thats depression for you.
10- another year to be alive
9- Snow board cabin trip in Feb with some friends
8- Trying to come up with 12 things during the month to look forward to and not get depressed
7 - Know that my job is well awful and i need new one (i say that every yr)
6- Going to Disney World in May to celebrate my Mom's Birthday with her!
5- Enjoying and buying a PS4 early this year
4-Spening the last few days with my beloved cat - Miss Kitty (who passed in Sept)
3-Seeing Star Wars Live in Concert with the NY PHILL
2 -Spending as much time with my mom and pets as I can and enjoying every moment
1- My mom pushing me into getting a ticket to go see Paul McCartney in Concert at MSG Sept 2017 a big moment in my life this year!

11:39am: STAR WARS THE LAST JEDI


We saw the film on Saturday afternoon. The theater was packed! We had to sit in row number 1! Thought it would be kind of tough to view the film from that row but it turns out it was the best seat in the house! And it did not cost as much as a concert ticket would cost! haha. Wow! Such a great movie! The movie had a very different tone from The Force Awakens. It pretty much began where the last one left off (if they had to change the two scenes order) You came into not knowing what to expect if you had not viewed the trailers like my self! That was the best way to come into this movie because even the Director said to not watch the trailers because it gave much away. The movie had some jokes thru out and that was a welcome addition to the film, some jokes were better then others. But these films aways had some jokes sprinkled thru out. One word for you PORGS! i thought i would dislike them but i love them! Such a wonderful experience. I will see the film again very very soon. I thought the music was also very good. lots of themes from the last film. Nice to here some new John Williams music!

And the next comment well if you saw the film this will a good thought to you, I know that we are going to get Star Wars Eps 9 in 2019. But with Carrie Fisher gone and what happened at the end of The Last Jedi, do you think that this new Star Wars set of films should stay a SAGA or a Trilogy. I know that Fisher was going to have a larger role in the next film but now i am unsure how they will make the last film without her. Whats your thoughts?

6:58am: Over a month update
Wow~ November was such a busy and crazy month...Do not remember much of the month sad to say. So I will skip down to the week of thanksgiving. My mom and I went to a Christmas concert we saw Mannheim Steamroller in Wilmington a few days before thanksgiving. It was our first time going to this new venue in Wilmington. It was a nice venue, the photos look bigger online then it is in person. The show was nice, very different from the shows I saw with Doug. It got us into the Christmas spirit.
Well not sure what I did the next day other then help my mom out with the Turkey because we were hosting the holiday this year. Thursday, Thanksgiving day. I helped mom out during the morning while looking online for various "deals" and could not find anything. Little that I knew that I would wittiness a crazy mob scene later that night. Around 1 my family came over for the afternoon. I was kind of sick at that time (still am while writing this) So an hour came and went. I had to go into work from 2-11 that night. The sales began at 6 and let me tell you what I saw was crazy. Hundreds of people put items into many carts, TVs, Toys, Clothes, anything they could get their hands on. It was sicking to see. Charlie Brown was right all Christmas is these days is one big commercial holiday. Very sad. My shift came and went and i went home to go to bed.
During the month my mom had booked us a Christmas trip to Disney well it was they said no at work (and this week I am only working like 20 hours and this was the week we were going. sad as hell!) so i called disney the next day and changed the hotel and the dates and we are now going my birthday week on Jan 5th. No money was lost and my mom was very happy because she was super upset.
This month has gone super fast so far. I have worked most of it but also I have been sick still and also my mom was sick for about 2 weeks. I so very worry about her and her health so much. But I took very good care of her over the last 2 weeks with her pills and giving her breakfast/lunch and dinner in bed most days. Had a scare last Saturday and I had to take off from work but she seems to be much better a week later. Today we are going to go see The Last Jedi and looking forward to it very much!

4:13pm: Halloween week Vacation time!
Since 830 friday night i have been off of work for my week off aka vacation! feels good. So friday night i came home and found some "new" but old horror radio shows as I did last year and they are





on Saturday we had a yard sale. Did not make a lot of money but it was money we did not have on Friday. Kind of just stressful- the entire day. Later that night the town had various halloween parties. I was so tired and went to bed at 8 while listening to "The Weird Circle"

Today I woke up and it was nice and cool outside and it was pouring down rain! nice! Went online for a long time. looked around. had some breakfast. tried to finish a movie i was watching last night. then started season 2 of stranger things.

Monday October 30th- I did some mini projects around the house. I also looked online to see if i should buy anything while i am on vacation but i passed. which was a good thing! I was also prepping for Halloween, the next day. when my mom was at habit someone donated a reel to reel player. okay nothing new about that...well the crew threw all the reels out and started to play one...well my mom said I have to buy this - all of it! So she came home and said i bought you something Sean, its a reel to reel player you are going to have to learn how to use it but i think once you turn it on and press play i think your going to like what you hear...so it took awhile but i pressed play..... (More on that in the coming days)

Tuesday October 31, Halloween. - I did not have a great sleep at all. I woke up super early in the AM for a while then i went back to bed. When i woke up at a normal time I did not feel good at all. I felt very sick. And so much noise around which was bothering me. I have to go to the dental's office to get my teeth cleaned. I was running a bit late but I made it. I came home still not feeling well. it was a mix of many things, mess, the stress of halloween and even still trying to learn more about the reel to reel tape deck. So dirty! I laid low for the rest of the day. We had pizza and then gave out candy for about 90 min and everyone seemed to love it. Even a gang from work came by and loved it they were happy to see me. Later that night i went to bed.

Wednesday, November 1 - Still not feeling great (think its the air pressure) its like 70 outside! come on fall weather! Thru out the day I was transferring those reel to reel tapes. Some recordings I kept, others I did not bother to keep because it was not my thing.

Thursday and Friday Nov 2,3 - On Thursday the big thing was still going thru the reel tapes and I managed to find another Beatles tape it is recording sessions from Abbey Road and Let it Be. Really awesome! Come to find out that is a bootleg called Apple Trax but who cares! On Friday, my last day I cleaned up the apt and put everything back, vacuumed the rugs put the tape player outside because of all of the chemicals it gave off. Feeling better. Watched a movie and relaxed.

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12:36pm: New York City Sept 14-Sept 17 2017
This is my very long journal about my trip to NYC
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10:25am: New York Trip
I will be very soon posting a long journal about my trip to New York City to see the street fairs, the New York Philharmonic and the best of all to see Paul McCartney at MSG!

11:15am: Miss Kitty Oct 8th 2005 (the date when we got her) - Tuesday Sept. 19, 2017
Miss Kitty passed away last night in bed while sleeping. So very sad. She is in a better place and getting the tour from our Furey pets up in heaven. We had come home from NY on Sunday, she was so very thin and was meowing for us very loud ones. She spent a good 2 1/2 days with us till last night she passed away. During her final day she and i slow danced to some nice soft music. one thing about kitty is she alaways loved music she would respond to it. She sat on my lap for awhile, then sat her outside with me to get some nice fresh air in together. During all of this i was in tears. I then checked on her last night around 10 and she had passed in bed. I cried for a good hour more. She will be missed by all of us.

7:29am: Stuff
Last month came and went which is a good thing. i dislike summer.
Work the last month has gotten crazy, and only my self and one other employee in the dept. not much can get done. I am sure they know that. Also onto of that we have to make the isles neat all the time for hours on end. its such a waste of time, better things cane be done in that time, do they know it. I am sure they do, do they want it? no. i so hate my job such an awful place to work! I so want to quit and have a better job with more money. Anyone know any better jobs with more money then what I make? I know that I need more money to really live on to support my self now and the future.

The good news is i think every store is like this and this is not my problem on how awful the store looks and is. Everything that is "important" to this store means nothing in the real world and outside of the store.

One thing i can tell you what I feel like i have done for the well awhile now....is I have put my self into isolation. I feel because of work i have given up my friends, i no longer talk to them (real life and online) If someone is having an event like a dinner out or something like that, its always when i am working over the weekend and i can not go. I never have anything to say or anything really good to say anymore. I really have disliked my life and what its turned into over the last few years and who i have become. I now get depressed more often, I get anxiety, and yes thoughts of suicide.

7:09am: Yesterday I had a really good day. First good day in awhile. I was off but all I did was do some projects, take some records out of frames. Watched some movies starting around 11am. Took my bono out for a walk. it just was a nice day

5:35pm: This will be a very upsetting journal i am sure but i just want to get my feelings out in the open. I think it will do me well.

Before I go on just last week at work they set up a new way to work for the store follow me here it use to be like this
OLD WAY - get returns random thru out the day and clean up the dept. from 2-3pm
NEW WAY - all depts. get returns at 2pm has 30min to put them away. 230-330pm we clean up the dept. at 4pm-430pm we all go over to the food section and we clean up 2 isles for 30 min.

No one likes this new way on doing things. Also other people have no life out of this place. because they are always working 6-7+ days a week.

But anyways I am not sure because of this one change or what but every day i have had some really awful thoughts in my head since i am now the only sole worker in my dept. meaning i do everything. Where to begin. I look around at other peoples lives and many are in relationships (dating or married) and some people have time to hang out with friends over the weekends (when they are not working) or even in the evenings. Its that everyone is doing something that you can't because you are always at that one place that you dislike all the time suffering with all of your other coworkers. Every day I open up boxes, i tell people where things are. And my God, people are so fucking dumb and all they do is laugh or look stupid when i tell them they past the isle. They just walk past it and want someone to hold their hands to walk them back to the isle. N Everyone is fucking dumb! People are so fucking dumb it makes me sad to see that this is what we are now. not only that, people ask me questions about various products and i have no clue. i tell them i am not a professional at every single product in this dept, they do not train us like that. I look at my life and I say I never thought my life would turn out like this. i am a failure in my life. i never feel good about my self. I am never able to wear anything nice and feel good. Its like looking out of a window and your stuck inside with the same clothes on day after day and the same things day in, day out. I do not like my life. I hate what my life has become. I remember way back in my teens and thinking i would be working in the movie business and nothing more. making movies or tv shows. (now I know thats hard work long hours, no life, the same thing in and out) But its doing something that you love and enjoy....now i do know that your dream job does not equal happiness it might just add fulfillment to your life.

I also get super upset at my self because at my age and wonder why am i still single and i feel like i am destined not to be in a relationship in my life (knowing its not easy by the way to have one) not to really experience love or anything in that nature at my age. I am giving up/ i gave up along time ago! I have tried so much in the past but nothing has ever worked!!!

I have some friends but you know what they always seem to do things on weekends or other times when i am working. Various events are planned during the year with these people and i just now do not want to really join in anymore with these people because its the same thing to a point every year. in my head it gets boring. now i am sure you people may thing but sean you go do disney yr after yr does that get boring after awhile? no because every time you do different things. it may be the same location but different events happen. Like camping will happen later this year, thats just not my ideal weekend to spend a weekend out in the woods...i am sorry if i want to go camping i'll spend my time at camp crystal lake! Then later on this year a christmas concert, each year the tso tours behind a christmas album they had made in the past and this year they will tour once again the same album from last year. i will pass on that because its just not fun anymore. the first time i saw them it was kind of cool because i had never saw them before and it was a spur of the moment things that i just magically said "sure i'll go" And during the snowy season they will all go snow boarding in the mountains. I did that early this year. It was a fun time and lots of nice memories but you can't repeat the same memories by doing the same events year after year. Branch out do something different and do things that other people would like to do. I just feel like i have no friends in my life to do anything with anymore. i never go out (i am tired after work) or on my very few days off i do not want to do a thing! Many times i just feel i can not do anything right in my life. i dislike it so much. nothings turn out the way it should have gone. just can't do it anymore. i know it is but i am going to say it but life is hard. life's a bitch then you die.

12:12pm: The last week was kind of crazy filled with work - not getting into that all i will say that the company is starting to loose their minds!

I belong to Disney Movie Rewards and one of the new rewards you can now get is the teaser poster for the last jedi movie - its just a logo poster. - But its FREE.
early this year they also released another poster at star wars celebrations but DMR does not have that. I was thinking i should wait for that poster but will it be more points wise or they might not even have it. So I chose getting the teaser poster FREE so that should be coming my way very soon. Looking forward to that.. Trying not to be in the star wars bubble too much because of later this year.

I also tried to get in touch with kelly just saying hello to her but no response....i thought i should try now then later on while in NYC.

My bootleg PMAC shirt is still not here yet. it went to China, then to NY now to somewhere else and later this week it will be here in NC....it was only $10. I am getting really excited about the concert later this year. Think its going to be a great experience not just the show but life experience included.

11:04am: Almost a month since my last journal lets see......I have worked way too much lately over the last month.

I saw Spider-Man Homecoming. It was a fun movie.

Its hot. Summer needs to end!

Other movies I viewed
-The Mummy (tom cruise) not that great and not needed. think this revamp monster thing Universal has will flop. Those monster films are classics no way to remake them.

-The Shallows - good shark movie came out last yr.

-47 Meters Down- if you watched the trailer you saw the movie. was it good. yeah a good time waister movie.

11:20am: Since sunday all i have is work work work and work hard! Today is a day off. Going to enjoy it as much as I can. Thinking about buying a new old radio show set of Quit Please. I bought the same set at Christmas time but its to the point where i thought at the time when the set first came out that radio spirits did a some what good clean job on the sound. But i do not think so. I am putting the shows onto the computer to compare. But last year radio spirits came out with a new up to date remastered set and i listened to a sample of it and it sounds great! So i am thinking of picking this remastmmered version up. I know i will enjoy it. Anyways. Last week i also picked up on PS4 the Friday the 13th video game. i have played it a little and its kind of fun...better then going camping for real. I had bought it for when the came company adds a single player option then always playing online.

6:04pm: Have not updated in a while! Well for the rest of May, i was working my butt off. Nightshift for a week, then back to day shift. Made a good paycheck to pay for a concert ticket! This month has gone super fast already! Last week went out with Doug and Company to eat. Nice time to spend with friends. This week we are getting ready for a yard sale over the weekend and i guess you could say i am on a little mini vacation because i worked last night then on Thursday night and do not go back till Sunday night. So i almost have the full week off. But having a yrs sale means a lot of hard work!

Have wanted to see some movies but i just do not want to go to the theater or i just do not have much time. movies i would like to see are

-Wonder Women
-The Mummy (or Mummy Impossible)
-Cars 3 (Read reviews that its really Rocky III/IV)
-Rough Night (looks like Weekend at Bernie's for ladies)

5:16pm: Disney World 2017 Highlights!
May 3rd 2017

My mom and I got to our hotel (Pop Century) early in the morning around 11am. My mom and I were so happy to be there! We first had lunch at the food court and guess what most of the food had changed from last year! They did not sell anymore of Johnny Appleseed sandwich. oh well. it kind of put the weight on me. So I had a pulled pork sandwich with pasta salad. We got word that we could go to our room and unpack. We were so happy!! For the rest of the day we hung out at the hotel and planned the next day (My mom's 75th birthday)~ It was so great to be on vacation and it could start now!

May 4th 2017 Mom's 75th Birthday / Star Wars Day

It was our first breakfast at POP what to have? I had my usual Chocolate Chip pancakes, which tasted good. The nice thing we were on vacation and were on our own time and having a late start of the morning. We caught the bus to the Magic Kingdom. First thing we did was we took the Walt Disney Rail Road past Adventure land and ended up at Fantasy Land (aka Mickey's toon town fair) and we walked over to The Little Mermaid ride and did that. Kind of fun. Then we were off to "Beauty and the Beast's Be Our Guest Restaurant" For my mom's Birthday lunch. It was so very magical and just still very "aw" inspiring and we both loved it. Lets see I had a carved turkey sandwich (was only able to eat part of it) and mom had Braised Pork (slow cooked) Both were very great and filling. Our deserts were The master's cupcake and a triple chocolate cupcake. Both were great and tasty until we hit the cupcake. After lunch that was my treat we moved onto Dumbo circus and I got soaked and wet. very funny! We went into a few shops. Mom went back to the hotel for awhile and I stayed at the park. I was only able to do only I think 3 attractions on my own because it was so filled with people such as Pirates of the Caribbean, The Haunted Mansion. Thats about it. I forgot to do the people mover and the caracul of progress and I had past thru. It was kind of getting hot. I was not ready to leave the kingdom yet so I stood up near the entry way of the magic kingdom and it was time for their daily flag retirment ceremony and I was up high. I wanted to do something very cool so I stood in one spot and I recorded all 20 min of it and made a time laps video and in the end it only lasted a few seconds but very cool. I did the same thing with a disney duck.

....Meanwhile later that night....

Mom wanted to stay at the room so I took the bus down to hollywood studios. And I sure was happy. I could just feel it in me. It was such a magical feeling. So when I entered the park gates I did not know if i should go left or right? So I first made my way over to star tours and that was my first ride. And the ride they were featuring was a trip to Hoth and a place in Eps 1. After the ride i went into the gift shop and at that moment i said money is no object when it comes to star wars. I was in vacation mode! I picked up 3 star wars shirts and star wars mickey ears and the total was more then it should be but it was disney. I had a meal at the backlot express and then waited for the star wars nightly show. it was fun but i had a better time last year when it was more fireworks then film clips from the series. It just does not really work as well as it does on the magic kingdom.

Friday May 5th 2017
It was a day to relax and we went to downtown disney springs market place for the day. And the bus let us off at the new shops...the more expensive side of the market place...more on that....We went to the movies to go see "The Circle" another one of those too much what we share online is bad/social media is bad type of movie looking like its google, Facebook or mac. Overall it was a good movie. Tom Hanks was good also Emma Watson also was good. So after the movie we walked around picked up some snacks to eat such as pretzels and i picked up a shake. It took us awhile to get around to the original market place. It just seemed so dead, also they stopped using the bus stops over that way so guests will just go to the new end and not the older end. We had some ice cream and it was a nice cool treat to have. After looking around we went to the coke store on our way out and it was so nice 3 floors worth of coke stuff and a coke bar on the top floor. We also met Mr. Bear aka Coke Bear. He was so cute!

Saturday May 6th

We spent the first few hours of the day in the pop century pool and it was glorious! 4 HOURS! Later we went back to the movies to go see Gardens of the Galaxy Vol 2. It was a bright movie. Was it good yeah it was but nothing to write home about....it was also very cold in the theater! A nice relaxing day!

Sunday May 7th
We were back off to Hollywood studios and this time mom was with me. But also we were going to meet Danny and his wife Linsey for the day. We did the great movie ride, walked around and then we had to go have some lunch at our fav place Prime Time Cafe!


After we met back up with Danny, mom said her good buys to them and she went back to the room so it was just the three of us. We just hung out in the park just talking about our lives and just stuff that we enjoy. After a few hours I walked them out and I stayed in the park (oh yeah I got my money back on those star wars shirts - turns out I had gotten a chid and female shirt without knowing) and took some photos with star wars people again and recorded the meet and greets.

Monday May 8th
Just spent the day at the hotel, in the pool really relaxing. But also I had found out that Paul McCarney was going to play in MSG in Sept later this year and so I was asking mom about it and what she thought. She told me i should go for it because its going to be one of those moments in life where you will enjoy also to see a living legend like that in concert is rare. So I bit the bullet and i bought a ticket to see Paul at MSG! (That is one big $$ gift to buy in Disney) I also laughed and said Pop Century hotel would be proud! haha.

Tuesday May 9th
Epcot Day= A lot of walking! We tried to ride Frozen but the ride froze so we had to get let out by Disney co. It was just getting kind of hot. We did the coke store. Had lunch in Norway. It was a nice day for both of us. Long day but good. Back at the hotel we just relaxed, went in the pool. I played Disney trivia and once again I won. But I could not use my prize because we were checking out the next day. It was such a nice vacation something we both needed!

Photos soon.

1:54pm: An April Update
Have not updated in almost a month...lets see what life has been like...

I have to start out with work like always. Not too bad. I made employee of the month.
Still working many hours.

Easter time was so very nice. Spent it with my family in Wilmington. I had not seen them since November 2015 and they only live 40 min away! My mom gave me an easter gift it was a box set of Fantastic Beasts and Where to Find Them.

Picked up some movies first some Disney Movies - Treasure Island and The Black Hole. I found the special editions of Psycho II and III sure they were on DVD but they were less then the blu rays. I also viewed Season 1 of 24 Legacy and Season 5 of Bates Motel.

The camping trip that the group was going to take was called off because of bad weather. so everyone met up for an afternoon at a park. the park was 40 min away. not sure why it was so far away but it was a nice day. It was soccer and hotdogs and just hanging out. The rest of the gang went on to someones pool, then out to eat later that night and walking the beach till 3am. I went back home after the picnic.

Only 8 more days till our trip!

11:35am: Going Rouge!
After 6 long days I am off. What got me thru the week was a record I had pre-ordered with an amazon gift card way way back in January. The Soundtrack on record
Rouge One A Star Wars Story. Very funny about this soundtrack - When I first got it back when the film came out in December (I had gotten the extended soundtrack not sold in stores) I listened to it a few times and kind of liked but disliked the music. It was just okay. So I listened to it again till the first of the year. Same thoughts. it was good but not great. Flash forward to April 3 months later of not listening to the score. Now I have it on record and for some reason it just sounds that much better and now this score has turned from a good score to a great score. Not sure why it sounds better on record. I guess because its a double record set. You have a long journey ahead of you. Sides A,B,C,D to listen to. Also I have all of the other soundtracks on Digital and on Record but it all sounds better on record.

7:56am: 3 days off
I am feeling so much better these days....somewhat tired because work has made me work some times 6 days in a row....thats going to start again tomorrow.but for now my boss gave me 3 days off over the weekend because i have busted my butt over the last few weeks covering for a co-worker. i have had a very nice 3 days off.

Saturday - we went out to yd sales. Did not find much. I saw Split. Thought it was a very good movie. But the scene at the end credits made me really rethink the entire movie and also look at the poster for the film.... Had a nice pizza dinner and watched Rebels.

Sunday - Also a very nice day! We went to the movies go to see


Going into it I thought that I would just only like the 91 film and not this remake but I was so very wrong. It was so wonderful!!!! The music was special. The acting, the singing. The sets everything had so much detail! Such a great movie! It touched my heart!

Then later that night I watched the one that started it all


I'll admit its tough to kind of compare them both. Both are the same but very different. This one is such a classic of its kind. It was the first ever Disney feature to get nominated for best picture in 1991 for the Oscars. Both films are so great in there own ways!

11:46am: some days i want to go to bed and not wake up
Since the trip with everyone i have worked 6 days in a row for the last 2 weeks. just working super hard all the time. no time to do much of anything. eat. go to work. sleep. same thing over and over and over again. some days i wish i could just go to sleep at night and just not wake up the next day. they over work not just my self but everyone in the store. they have people working 10+ days without a day(s) off. not right.

8:18am: depression hits again
Over the last 2 days Feb 13-14th i have had anxiety it just feels like its everything going on. I know that work sure does give me that for many reasons such as
-the constant music they play (over and over and the same songs for the last almost 3 yrs)
-songs about summer time (what month is it?)
-seeing really really over weight people
-my job in general.

It was to the point where on the 13th i had to go in the back and sit down for a bit and try to calm down.
Depression has also sunk in by the way once again aka sean has the blues!
When i came back out and i was doing my job i felt like i was going to cry.

Happy Valentines Day by the way.

I gave my mom some red roses and a small bag of candy. She gave me a cute mickey mouse card and $20 for fun money to spend it on but i did not find anything fun.

Yesterday was also tough. Sure i wished everyone a happy valentines day and i told people to treat them selves to something special. but you know what? i just did not and still do not feel special. I was happy on the outside (to a point) and sad in the inside. i could feel it. Also they music was bothering me and just i felt really bothered and upset. i was all tense inside, i felt like my blood pressure was also going up. I also at one point wanted to cry again. Also they had me running all over one side of the store doing 3 depts. jobs. aka returns and onto of that i had work that i had to do.

I then come home, tired and still upset. I go onto Facebook and i found my old friend kelly has a boyfriend. that made me sad. why does it make me sad? I guess its because 20 years ago i had met her and she was the first girl i had loved in my life. As you kind of know it she loved me but not the same way as i loved her. it was kind of a one way love. Not going into our story. But she looked happy in her photos with her boyfriend. Better to love and loss then ever loved at all. It just made me think that i am still single. people say if you want a nice girl go look for one. your not in my shoes for one. seems like the only girls i talk to are the ones at work and i do not want to go out with anyone at work...and most of them go out with each other anyways.

So anxiety and depression all around. I called into work...taking a mental health day off. I hope i feel better about me and my life. because right now i dislike me.